In the valley.Well, my friend, Alan, died Sunday morning. He was 34. He took his own life, and I am grieved, upset, sad, and heartbroken over the whole situation. It has been a long, long week of sorrow with little sleep.
Alan meant a lot to me. He was a friend with whom I made an instant connection. We first met a few weeks prior to he and Dara's wedding almost three years ago. He was this big, soft guy - very sensitive and loving. I remember being impressed that he had made the flowers on his wedding cake himself. It was done extremely well - like a professional had done it - but to him it was nothing - he just learned how and then did it. He was so talented and capable.
He also decorated our church's great hall into the most intimate setting I had ever seen that area become at the time for their wedding. It was no small feat turning what is normally used as a basketball gym into a wedding reception. In fact, when Jim and Lara got married last summer, I made it a point to tell Jim he needed to talk to Alan about how to get the chapel looking good.
I remember being in lifegroup with Alan. He was so transparent and honest. Where others in our group were rather guarded he was not - God had done some amazing things in his life and the way his current, shining light was set against a dark, personal background was amazing. Alan knew what grace was and how he had been granted it to experience God's love.
Our relationship grew from there. Alan was a very capable and talented person. I believe he could do anything he wanted to do. He described to me how he had started up a few small businesses, and that they had prospered. I was always very impressed with how he could just get things done - and how he did them so easily without over-complicating things. That is talent, folks.
I remember him being nervous about his new job several years ago. I asked him why he didn't just start up another business. He just wanted to take it easy - way too much effort, and he enjoyed his life with Dara too much to get all stressed out again. He didn't like the travel and being away that his new job required lately, but he stuck with it. And he was the best at it - everybody came to him. He had a very technically astute mind - something we both have in common - so I was constantly amazed at how competent he was with computers - especially given his lack of formal education there. Simply amazing.
My favorite memory of Alan is our trip to the Quest with Sovereign Grace Ministries - a men's conference a year or so back. (If you'll notice - he's wearing that t-shirt in the picture above.) During that trip, we had been assigned 4 men to a room, which meant 2 guys had to share a double bed. Now, Alan is a pretty big guy - and likes his personal space - so he pulled me aside and said "Hey, Nate - I can't do this - want to get a room with me?" Well, I decided I'd join him. The thing is - that night in our hotel room (each in our own double bed) - I got a call from my dad telling me that he had just been diagnosed with cancer. Wow that was hard. And guess who was there to listen to me? Alan. That man had a caring disposition for listening, and really provided some comfort and reassurance to me that night. That is the loving and caring man I got to know.
But the other thing I really remember about Alan is the way he worshipped at that conference. I saw a man unafraid to let their heart loose for God. Me? I was struggling with my dad's situation - but he wasn't - just so full of God's grace there. I remember him singing this song:
I remember looking at him, arms outstretched, as I was wrenching internally from my dad's condition. Alan loved God.
One time Alan said "hey, there's this Promise Keeper's meeting. Wanna go?" So, I did. I learned a lot about his heart. Alan had a heart for service to others. He wanted to help our community by helping the poor and needy fix up their houses. He wanted to help them. We thought about ways we could do that and decided if God ever presented an opportunity to do so together we would.
Last fall I had 4 tickets to the first motoGP race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. We had the best tickets in the house. Turn 1, top row, top deck, right by the concession stands, covered. What was really awesome was that we were going with Tim Danz and a friend of his after church. Right before that trip, Tim told us that he had just received word that ALL of their support had been raised for Bangladesh. We were so elated! As Alan was a supporter of theirs as well we were just thrilled! Praise God! We went to the race - it was cold and rainy - one of the hurricanes had just made its way up to us and the icy rain was blowing in sideways. We had a great time together enjoying each other and the good news brought by Tim about their ministry.
I'm going to miss Alan. I can't wait to see him again in heaven, where we can enjoy each other again and glorify God together. I got a little taste of what it will be like to do that with him and I only rejoice that I'll be able to do it forever again in the future.
